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| I'm pretty short on motivation right now. Unmotivated to work. Unmotivated to hit the gym. I'm even unmotivated to drive out and see Deanna. I kind of just want the world to go away for a week. I took a snow day yesterday and did nothing but play video games. It was disgusting, but it was the first day that I've really enjoyed in quite some time. When did all of the little things in life become so onerous?
Data cleaning. Mentoring. Publishing. Reading. Reviewing. Wedding planning. House hunting. Listening. Enduring a never-ending stream of complaints. Driving. More driving.
Responsibilities that we all have and they are part of life. We deal with them and move on. And it's only going to pick up from here. My life is pretty damn carefree relatively speaking. I suppose I just haven't had a down weekend in a while and I'm the type that needs time to himself every once in a while. I think I'll take this weekend for myself.
I suppose the other thing is that I'm really really achy. When did I stop healing? I'm like the anti-Wolverine. Always sore, never healthy. Ah hell, I'm wasting time. Fine, I'll go to the gym.
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| I've been playing basketball 1-2 times a week with a group consisting of grad students, post-docs, and faculty. It's been something that I really look forward to because 1) it's the closest thing I have to social interaction right now and 2) we play fun basketball as a unit. That is, there is a nice combination of passing, shooting, screens, picks, and defense. At times things can get a little chippy and I've taken my fair share of beatings being a frontcourt player, but all in all, it's really fun.
One thing that has been a disappointment is how my game has deteriorated. I suppose I felt the same way in grad school, but at least then I wasn't playing consistently and could blame it on lack of practice. Now it's clear that I've gotten older, slower, and less athletic. I'm still a good defender and a solid rebounder, but offensively, I really can't get it done anymore. I've lost my outside shot and I'm too slow to beat anyone off the dribble. My baby hook is no longer reliable and I've largely become a non-factor on offense. It's extremely frustrating since blocking shots and rebounding just doesn't quite give the same satisfaction as scoring...at least for me.
But once in a while, I get a flash of my former self. This happens about once a month or less, but when it does happen, it's intoxicating. Sort of like turning back the clock 8 years. Somehow, there is a little extra spring in my jump. My elbows lock into the correct shooting position and I can feel my body in sync. Most people shoot the same way all of the time, but for me, for some reason, I just don't. Most of the time my body feels like it's fighting itself. So, when I feel the fluidity, I know it's going to be my day.
Today was one of those days. Automatic from mid-range. When my defender went out to guard me, I could get by him since he had to respect my shot. I actually finished at the rim (a rarity these days). I was hitting fade aways off of screens and I even tossed in a 3-pointer (I rarely ever take them anymore because they usually wind up as airballs...but I hit the one I did take today, which brought a smile to most of my teammates due to the sheer incredularity of it all). Jab-step, fade away, good. Post, turnaround, fade away, good. Drive, double-team, find the open man. It was all working and goddamn did it feel awesome.
I realize now that there won't be many days like this anymore. I'm getting older and slower and my body simply isn't up to task most of the time. So, on these rare occasions, I really savor it. Today was a good day.
But of course I over did it, cramped up, and now I'm hobbling around like I'm twice my age. Oh the give and take of it all.
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| I think I'm killing myself through alcohol. My body may be irrevocably changed as a result of this year of distance. It's not good when you watch Leaving Las Vegas and begin to identify yourself with Nicholas Cage. Bad things...
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| Life is beginning to pick up in Bloomington. I have a few people that
I can hang out with in various capacities. I play ball every week, I
have a friend to watch baseball with, and I got a group of guys that
like to get drunk. Between that and Skyping with Deanna, I suppose I
have my bases decently covered. Work is starting to get better too,
and I took on an informal teaching assignment that is going well. So,
things are ok. Not good, but not terrible.
This song helps me out. I think a few others might appreciate it too.
It's just like him
To wander off in the evergreen park
Slowly searching for any sign of the ones he used to love
He says he's got nothing left to live for
He says he's got nothing left
And this time I think you'll know
You're not alone
There's more to this I know
You can make it out
You will live to tell
She's just like him
Spoiled rotten, confused by the lies she's been fed
She's searching for no one but herself
Her eyes turn to green and she seems to be happy
That she's here
And this time I think you'll know
You're not alone
There's more to this I know
You can make it out
You will live to tell | | |
| I wasn't thrilled about getting a year older to start with. But I had convinced some of my labmates to come out with me for a happy hour, so I was hopeful that I would at least be able to celebrate with some people I know. Well, the happy hour turned into a happy 45 minutes as everyone had other things to do. Kinda disappointing, but at least they came out for a little bit...
Decided to hit the bar by myself and tried to chat with various folks. Ended up getting way too drunk and I surely made an ass of myself. At the end of the night I was buying random people shots just to have someone to talk to until I realized that I was too drunk to speak coherently. Stumbled home and puked for a couple of hours before passing out. Woke up at 4pm and I'm just glad it's over.
Not dismayed, I will head out again tonight, and I WILL make some goddamn friends at some point. Or I'll just damage my liver. Maybe both.
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